When You Don’t Know What to Say

For the past few weeks I have been teaching Tactics in Defending the Faith by Greg Kokul of Stand to Reason to the men at a Bible study I attend on Tuesday mornings. It has been really cool watching the men get into it and be engaged in conversation about how to use these tactics in their everyday life especially when it comes to sharing the Gospel. The beauty of these tactics is to help the evangelist engage in conversation when he or she doesn’t know what to say.

What goes through your mind when you see a picture like this on your friend’s Facebook profile? I bet your heartbeat increases a little, maybe feel a little woosy. You want to say something, but you don’t know where to start. You think to yourself, What if they have good intentions? I don’t want to assume what they are thinking. Maybe something happened to them to make them think this way? But, they are obviously making a statement and have some anger over certain people being unfairly treated. You could assume their beliefs are very left-leaning given the topic and color behind the writing but you don’t really know what is in their heart or their motives behind it. All they are doing is asserting their beliefs into the air on Facebook wanting some form of validation that they are right.

First, we need to be tactful in our approach. For starters, since they are your friend and you care about their salvation, it’s best to respond one-to-one. It’s best to talk about it in person, but sometimes that’s not possible. I wouldn’t approach them in the comments section with many of their other left-leaning friends will chime into the conversation. This is not good, and you now have created a mob wanting to kill you, or at the very least kill your voice. When this happens, the conversation goes nowhere, and now they are even more validated that you are a homophobic racist bigot. So, at the very least, respond in a private message where no one else can see but the two of you.

Just two questions

The first two tactics we went over were to ask questions to gain information when we have no idea what to say or where to go. They also shift the burden of proof to the person who made the claim, buy us time to get our thoughts collected, and put us in the driver’s seat of the conversation. The answer to the first question: “What do you mean by that?” Tells us what a person believes; the second: “How did you come to that conclusion?” Tells us why they believe it. Both are equally important. But, the burden of proof lies with the person who made the claim. No more free rides. It’s the unbeliever’s job to defend their point of view; it’s not the Christian’s job to refute it (at this point anyway).

“What do you mean by that?”

Now, I’m not saying that there is nothing true about this meme, and I might actually agree with some of it. At least I think I can. But, there is a hidden agenda and statement declaired that needs to be addressed. We can guess all we want, but we won’t know unless we ask. We may need to gain some information. There are various ways you can go:

• “What do you mean by human rights? Are all human rights valid? Would the right to be born be one of them?”
• “What do you mean by common decency? What or who makes it common? What makes it decent?”
• “What do you mean by treating others equally? Would you treat me equally knowing that my religious beliefs are in every word that the Bible claims and says? Would you offer me the same treatment as this meme suggests?”

“How did you come to that conclusion?”

You get the idea. Based on what they say, you can ask your next question, “How did you come to that conclusion.?” It’s here when we start to find the flaws of their argument that bear the seeds of its own destruction. Here are some ways other ways to say the same thing:

• ‘Where did you get your information?’
• ‘By what evidence do you base that on?’
• ‘What supports your idea?’
• ‘Why should I believe that?
• ‘Can you give me some reasons why you think that’s true?’

Now as they tell you what they believe and why they believe it, you have to be diligent in listening to their answers. By doing so, you are gathering information about their views, but also thinking about ways to challenge thier views. You may get answers like, “I saw it on the History Channel,” “A friend showed me something on it,” or “I heard it at school.” Obviously it will require more questions that this. This is just a starting point. When you feel you need more information or need to buy some time — ask a question. My number one rule when witnessing: Never make an assertion when a question will do.

Don’t accept every answer

The conversation may go in a direction where the answers you receive don’t add up or are invalid when it comes to facts and where they got the information for their claim and the beliefs that hold the claim up. Here are some instances:

“I just feel in my heart this is right.”

Facts don’t care about your feelings. Feelings are subjective. Feelings lie and are momentary. Feelings are not held up as truth in a court of law. I can feel one day about something, and the complete opposite another. I can feel hungry, but it doesn’t mean that I am. I can feel like I’m in love, but it’s my actions that may prove otherwise.

They repeat what they said

Merely repeating what they just said is not an answer. It’s just regurgitating word vomit.

“You’re intollerant!”

“What do you mean by the word, intollerant?”

“I mean you are intollerant!”

As for definitions and specific meanings of the word or what you want to say. It may mean to be more specific or rephrase it in another way; but just repeating a sentance is not answering anything. Plus, it’s childish.

“I don’t have any reasons, I just believe it.”

Several years ago I was visited by three Jehovah’s Witnesses one afternoon. We chatted and before leaving they gave me a booklet called, Should You Believe in the Trinity: Is Jesus Christ the Almighty God? I told them I would check it out even though they didn’t take anything from me (go figure), and get back with them next week. As I read the booklet, I noticed no author, but many (…’s) to which meant that information was left out of the quote. So, I did what any other Berean would do (Acts 17:10-11), I went to the library and found all the sources. And wouldn’t you know — every source actually was in favor of the Holy Trinity!

The next week when the Jehovah’s Witnesses came back, we sat down and I gave them copies of my findings.

I said, “That was an interesting booklet, but I fixed it for you.”

“What do you mean, ‘fixed it’?” Michael said.

“Well, I noticed throughout the booklet there were dot, dot, dots, which which is used when information is intentionally left out. So, I went to the library and found the missing dot, dot, dots using cited sources. And wouldn’t you know, it actually proves the Trinity to be true!”

I started reading the missing information and they got up and said they had to leave after telling me before we started they opened up a two-hour window for our time. I followed them out to the car and laid it on thick that they were being deceieved by the Watchtower Society.

After warning them and the ones in the car waiting, Michael turned to me and yelled, “I just believe what they tell me to believe!”

To which I responded, “That was the most honest thing I have ever heard from a Jehovah’s Witness. You need to go home, look yourself in the mirror, and ponder what you just said.” Needless to say, I was blacklisted from the Watchtower.

An answer, “I don’t have any reasons [for my belief]; I just believe it.” is not acceptable. This is a remarkable admission that you should not pass up without asking: “Why would you believe something you have no reason to think is true?” Even if that is the last thing you said, you’ve put a stone in their shoe so when they walk around, they will be bothered by it.

Christians, you don’t ever have to worry again about getting hit with something you can’t answer if you remember these two simple questions, “What do you mean by that?” and “How did you come to that conclusion?” Use these to gain information, buy some time, and put the burden of proof back on the other person for a pleasant and meaningful conversation for the both of you.