Are You Wearing Too Much Cologne?

Have you ever experienced being around a person that wears too much cologne or perfume? It is overpowering to say the least. Especially if you are in an enclosed space; you can smell it hours later, even penetrating the fibers of your clothes. It burns your nose, tears up your eyes, and it’s all you can smell for the rest of the day. Like walking past one of those trendy clothing stores in the mall, even if it smells good, too much of it is obnoxious.

And that’s really the reason behind this article. Are we obnoxious towards others even if with good intentions? Have we become so “nose blind” to how we affect other people that we just cannot see it? And yet, we never tell the other person they are wearing too much either.

A little can add to the aroma of a room; too much can add to the stench.

When a person can be too nice, too passive, too funny, too direct, too helpful, too needy, too dramatic, too wordy, too talkative, too friendly, and too quiet: it becomes the very thing that you are trying to avoid. Like cologne: a person wears it to smell appealing or to cover up a problem; but with too much, you actually have the opposite effect.

An Example

In general, I am very quick-witted and sarcastic. I come from a place where sarcasm is a second language. In other cultures, it is viewed as mean or cruel. Even though the Bible states that sarcasm is considered mean, prophets of old and even Paul the Apostle used it sparingly to get their point across in the moment. But, if I use it all the time, it comes off as obnoxious as a person dousing themselves with a fragrance, no matter how appealing it may be to me. I should learn to laugh at myself in my own head.

I’ve experienced this several times on Facebook recently where I have commented on something I probably shouldn’t have commented on. My “sarcasm meter” was pinging and I couldn’t help myself to add to the flavor in the chat. Witty comebacks and thoughts ran through my brain as if I was doing improv on “Who’s Line is it Anyway?” I’m sure some thought they were hilarious; but to most I would imagine not and wonder if I was being sarcastic, or serious. With that comes being too opinionated. But I need to remember the One Whom I serve, who hears me and sees me every moment.

“The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.”

Proverbs 15:3

As part of my penance for lack of tact and candor, I plan on reading the classic by NavPress: Words that Hurt, Words that Heal by Carole Mayhall. It looks like a fairly quick read from the size and font, but chock full of Scripture and getting right to the point without the fluff other books tend to add to make them meatier. I will give my take of the book at a later date.

Is There a Simple Fix?

My wife says there’s two things I can do really well: fix just about anything, and pick out watermelon. But when it comes to people, myself included, and what we have conditioned ourselves to do for a long period of time through habit, our actions become a part of our personality — there is no easy fix.

I believe the first step is to be aware, but even that one in and of itself is difficult. How can you be aware of what you do on a daily basis? Just the other day my wife and I were coming back from the store and I was following a car. The car in front of me swerved right to turn left, making a wide turn. “Ugh, I hate when people do that,” I said. “That’s so annoying.” Wouldn’t you believe I did the exact same thing not even two minutes later? If it wasn’t for my wife laughing and calling me out, I never would have realized.

With that comes putting the other person first. People tend to do things for self-ish (sic) motives, and may not be selfish at all. They want something; that’s why they do what they do, and they may not be aware of it. Those that are too talkative may be alone all day and need to vent when they get around others — which is great. But it is important, especially in a witnessing encounter, to talk with people, and not at them. When conversing I try to find out different things about them in a conversation. This allows others to speak and for me to listen to see what I can bounce off to continue the discussion.

What do you think? If you find this helped you in any way or have something else to add, please send a comment below. If you would like articles like these to be added to your inbox, consider subscribing below.